ordinary girl extraordinary world

{ mallory }

2011-02-11T18:56:00.000-05:00

i've been wanting to do a series on all my galpals for a long time. years.
welp. 2011 is the year of following through :)
so, mallory agreed to be the first..

gosh, it's easy to take pictures of a girl who exudes natural beauty & joy!
thanks mal. xoxo

meet the adults

2010-04-10T20:19:00.002-04:00

back in march, i was in LA and got to see this great band...
..took a few pictures..

my life as a collage | ii

2010-03-09T22:58:00.003-05:00

moved to nashville.

the best part of my day, hands down, is my drive to work - seeing the sunrise and the sunset. it has this mysterious power to make everything else in life seem so insignificant. or at least remind me that i am part of a great work of art that is daily being created by a loving and wonderful God.
the best place to see the sunrise? the onramp of 440e from 40w.
all of downtown/east nashville sits veiled under the most brilliant work of love.
light in the world.

got a job.

it has been no easy transition. i deeply love the family i worked with in atlanta.
now i chase after two (2, dos, deux, ii) THREE YEAR OLD boys. ryan & evan.
they are precious. i am finding the will to continue this journey until it is finished (in July).
i will laugh and play and teach them what it means to live.
they just wont know it for a few years.

got some good eats.

i love food. i love to cook & i have considered the option of being a food critic when being an artist proves impossible or at least un-live-able. Atlanta has quite a range of world class cuisine... and some really great southern cookin. i was skeptical about Nashville's ability to measure up (it doesnt) or even come close (it does) to the ATL. But, so far... I have had some really enjoyable experiences at restaurants all over this city... i have even discovered a taco "stand" (in a dodgey part of town... in a dodgier parking lot... in a dodgier-still trailer). THEY ARE AUTHENTIC & anyone who's willing to make the trek, I will be your guide!

to be continued........

: my life (lately) as a collage :

2010-02-27T22:53:00.003-05:00

i am going to do this again.
i dont know why i've never done it before.

happy sunday.

: here's a different perspective :

2010-02-13T22:27:00.009-05:00

my life according to my camera phone
because sometimes the DSLR just isn't handy
and this is so 2010.

...

2010-02-10T19:41:00.002-05:00

She lifted up her sunglasses, "yes, these are rose colored," she said "and the world looks much better through them".

: Sarah & Joshua :

2009-11-11T15:09:00.006-05:00

~ Sarah & Joshua ~

These two (Sarah - 10 & Joshua - 8) were so much fun to work with! I love watching kids, especially brothers & sisters, interact and pose for pictures. They had great ideas, laughed, and smiled a ton - even though they wouldn't give in for a little sibling hug ;)

: Steph & Josh :

2009-11-11T11:20:00.006-05:00

~ Stephanie & Josh ~

Stephanie and I have been friends for almost two years. I remember the months before she got engaged, there was definitely excitement in the air. She and Josh had gone ring shopping and then, all she could do was wait for the right time - and it came back in March! (Congratulations again! :) I couldn't be more excited for these two to start their journey together in March 2010. It is going to be a wonderful celebration. They are both amazing, talented, kind-hearted people. And this shoot was a blast... Enjoy!

: Luke&Drew's Wedding :

2009-11-02T15:13:00.011-05:00

~ Luke & Drew Goddard ~

This was such a beautiful wedding! It was a warm and sunny day in September. Everything was perfect - the decorations, jewelry, flowers, live music... Luke and Drew said their vows outside, underneath beautiful old trees adorned with flowers and ribbons. Here are some of my favorite pictures from their special day...

: the countdown begins :

2009-10-18T21:51:00.003-04:00

if all things go according to plan, i have exactly two months left in atlanta & then i'm off to nashville.

"There are things you do because they feel right & they may make no sense & they may make no money & it may be the real reason we are here: to love each other & to eat each other's cooking & say it was good."

cheers atlanta ~

: the land of enchantment :

2009-10-13T22:03:00.003-04:00

Well, nearly everyone gives me a weird look when I say my parents moved from Phoenix to smaller-than-small-town New Mexico. Why would they do that? Ha!...

They live in this hamlet situated in the mountains of southern NM at the edge of the Gila National Forest. There's a "W" on the south side of the mountain - while most people would say that stands for Western New Mexico State - my dad says it stands for Wonderful.

There really isn't a whole lot when it comes to amenities but the weather is great, the air is clean, the seasons change... and there are man eating wild animals. It is the wild west, afterall! No, I'm serious. A mountain lion ate a man last year (rest in peace, sir...). Every time my mom tells me my cat, a formerly suburban feline turned Sacagawea, went out exploring after dark and didn't return I fear for her life. Certainly, an owl couldn't lift her (thanks to y'all, she's a total tubbette) but Lord knows the chupacabra prawls the mexican & new mexican desert. So far she's escaped, but I've prepared myself for total devestation...

Anyway, besides seasons and wild animals, Silver City has one other thing (in addition to my parents new house, which I'll get to in a minute) going for it. The annual Tour of the Gila bike race! Not so fast people. This is apparently a world renown bike race, and I have a photo to prove it. People come from all over, including the 7 time Tour de France record breaker, Lance Armstrong.... My mom snapped a quick shot of him flying by this past April (yellow helmet), not sure if he won this race.. but he did park his RV (or someone parked it) adjacent to my parents property. The race ends in Pinos Altos, on the Main rd (the only road)... in my parents back yard, essentially.

Okay, on to the real reason I'm writing this post... My parents have been building a house for what seems like eternity. They've run into every hitch and bump in the road and it's been a ridiculous, grueling process... BUT, it is coming together and for those of you who know my parents and have heard me talk about their adventure... Here are a couple pictures. Literally, two. But, one of the Kitchen and the recently installed cabinets, wood counter top, and new appliances! Further down is the living room....and old fashion wood stove (aka, the central heater??)...

Yes, the walls really are that blue!

Hopefully soon I can get my dad to take a picture of the front of the house, it's on the right side here - those are the front doors/windows. The wall is curved. It's really beautiful.. I think that picture looks so warm and inviting, even without furniture.

Here's to hoping, praying, crossing fingers, and holding my breath for them to get it done before winter hits. . . I hear it's going to be a snowy one!! Well, that's the word on the hill anyway.

Y'all come visit when it's finished. We'll eat tacos & relax. And it will be Wonderful.

diptychs

2009-09-10T14:54:00.004-04:00

the way i see it : fifteen

2009-08-31T23:31:00.001-04:00

my thought for today is about salt, of all things..

matt 5:13 i think.

Jesus says 'you are the salt of the earth'.

the great thing about salt is that it does not overpower everything, but instead brings out the true flavor.

it enhances that which already exists.

we enhance God's creation.

we bring out all the flavors and colors for everyone to taste and see that the Lord is good.

we are irreplaceable through Christ who loves us.

And He does...

Oh, how He loves us.

: my summer :

2009-08-28T22:20:00.012-04:00

: love photos :

2009-06-24T14:33:00.007-04:00

meet luke&drew

: summer yum :

2009-06-07T16:08:00.008-04:00

i love food

here are some things i've recently become obsessed with making

{ok, 3 homemade - 1 bought}

summer is so lovely

-enjoy-

strawberry muffins

{strawberries&plain yogurt}

fresh steamed shrimp

{with seasonings&cocktail sauce}

fruit salad

{kiwi, banana, apple, blueberry, grapefruit & honey drizzle}

arugula salad

{arugula, lemon&olive oil, parmesan cheese, cracked pepper}

the way i see it : fourteen

2009-05-29T13:37:00.000-04:00

: faith & pamphlets :

2009-05-19T14:32:00.003-04:00

this morning a couple stopped by the house wielding bibles and pamphlets...

i opened the door and the young lady said to me 'hi, [small talk], i have a question for you... do you know why so many people have a hard time having faith in God?'

surprisingly, i was totally caught off guard by this question.

i answered something like 'um, well.... there are many different reasons, i don't think i can answer that question for everyone. i personally believe in God... i guess it goes all the way back to "the fall"'

they both crack tight smiles and continue on... 'may i read you a verse?' she asks me.

'sure' i answer. the man interjects, 'i have it right here....its from hebrews 11, verse 6 "And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him."

'you see, faith is a very important thing. we're just trying to encourage people to have greater faith through reading the bible ....'

'.... can we give you this pamphlet?'

'yeah, sure' i say.

'by the way, what is your name?'

sara.

'mine is _________ & this is my husband __________. im sorry we didn't introduce ourselves before.'

'that's ok'

'by the way, i love your hair'

'oh thanks!'

exit couple wielding bibles & pamphlets.

i closed the door feeling hopeless for the world - for this couple.

i felt like i should have preached the gospel to them.

don't come knock on my door and assuming you know anything about me and start spouting off verses and ideas. i have no respect for that - and neither does anyone else, generally speaking. i mean, here's the answer to your question: why do you think people have a hard time having faith in God?

because they think God is dead & religion is dead.

because there are quite a few people in the world who's only interaction with "the church" is on their own front steps, being confronted by some stranger holding a pamphlet.

there is no relationship, no compassion, no experience or trust or community.

it is dead.

i will not remember these people. i will not invite them to my birthday party or to my wedding or to go out to dinner. And I'm pretty sure they had no intention of inviting me to do any of these things with them.

your god is dead.

and that is why people have problems with faith.

a leather bound book with funny language & stories does not promote FAITH.

relationships with living people & interactions with the living God are what promote faith.

Let us NEVER be people who think that quoting a verse from the bible is more valuable than LIVING in a way that communicates faith and trust in God.

There is no love in knocking on a stranger's door and leaving a pamphlet.

it's a waste of paper. i threw it away [in the recycle bin].

listen to someone's story. eat with them. laugh with them.

introduce yourself. know someone's name.

hug them.

love them.

then you will see people believing in the living God.

the way i see it : thirteen

2009-05-15T15:26:00.002-04:00

***

"I have been driven many times upon my knees by the overwhelming conviction that I had nowhere else to go. My own wisdom, and that of all about me, seemed insufficient for the day."

Abraham Lincoln

: besides daniel :

2009-04-09T13:58:00.006-04:00

i think i've mentioned this before.

i like music.

i like photography.

so, why not combine the two?

yes. yes, i think this is a great idea.

listen to a preview of their new EP "the clay. the seed. the stone." while you look at these pics.

find besides daniel on facebook

***

: sweet sounds :

2009-03-31T13:35:00.004-04:00

i got to work this morning & the house was still dark. no body was up.

i went into the kitchen to put my lunch away, as usual.

Fischer's room is right around the corner from the kitchen & I could hear him in there talking.

most mornings, he'll say "hey!..... HEY!.... juice?..." just trying to get someone's attention.

it's pretty cute.

but, he didn't hear me come in this morning.

so, i stood silently in the kitchen listening to him - waiting to hear what he'd say.

he was practicing what he's been learning, you know?

this brought a tremendous smile to my face.

then, as i was standing there, leaning in from around the corner... i started thinking to myself, does God do this with us?

Before I got to work this morning i was standing in my bathroom getting ready & i was saying a passage i'm memorizing from philippians 2.

was God standing around the corner, silently, with a smile on his face, listening to me?

was he delighted with me in the same way i was delighted with fischer?

: i used to feel so tall :

2009-02-26T13:10:00.004-05:00

i want to see a sunset.

i used to see them everyday.

here, i only get a glimpse of something in between buildings & trees

or, if i look up soon enough, sometimes i can see the sunset reflected in the glass of a skyscraper.

i used to feel so tall.

the way i see it : twelve

2009-02-23T20:06:00.002-05:00

"Even after all this time

The sun never says to the earth, 'You owe me.'

Look what happens with a Love like that!

—It lights the whole Sky."

Hafez

: Is this a day to save a life? :

2009-02-19T18:26:00.006-05:00

Have mercy on us and help us, if you can.

"What do you mean, 'If I can?'" Jesus asked.

"Anything is possible if a person believes."

Mark 9:23

***

I know a little girl named Grace - in truth, I have never met her.

She's 11 years old and she went into surgery this morning

at Johns Hopkins to have half of her brain removed.

This, in an attempt to save her from a degenerative disease,

of which I do not even know the name.

Today changed her life.

I praise God for it

: look up world :

2009-02-04T19:37:00.004-05:00

when i pass people on the street i want to smile at them,

but so often, they're looking at the ground.

it makes me sad.

i smile anyway and think

look up world

***

: Irresistible :

2009-02-03T15:22:00.003-05:00

I’ve been reading The Irresistible Revolution, by Shane Claiborne…
If you haven’t read it and you want to read a book that ignites a change the world fire within you, I recommend it. Shane (we’re close) has some good insight and some great philosophies on daily living. He’s fresh. frank. truthful. And he backs it up by the way he lives his life. So, I respect him. Reading this book has made me think a lot about the direction my life is headed / where I want it to go / where it is supposed to go. I wonder if I have the courage to do what he is doing? Even more, I wonder if I’m called to do what he is doing? Are all of us meant to abandon our lifestyles and sell all our possessions and live with the poor? I think the answer is no. But, we are called to care for the poor and look after children and widows… and our neighbors.

So, some thoughts...

“Then Jesus came to them and said, "All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age."

The Great Commission.
I have always gotten hung up on the “make disciples of all nations” part (cringing at the thought of pamphlets, human videos, and street preachers). I have not paid as much attention to “teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you” part.

What exactly has Jesus commanded us?

Jesus said: “I no longer call you slaves, because a master doesn’t confide in his slaves. Now you are my friends, since I have told you everything the Father told me. You didn’t choose me. I chose you. I appointed you to go and produce lasting fruit, so that the Father will give you whatever you ask for, using my name. This is my command: Love each other.” (John 15:15-17)

Love each other.
Is it that simple?
Well, yes and no.
It is that simple: Love wins.
But it’s not that simple to actually love each other.
Not just your favorite people & your family & the love of your life…
Everyone.

Jesus talks about this in Matthew 25:
"Then the King will say to those on his right, 'Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me…”

Then, Jesus says that all the people will be confused and ask “when did we feed you or clothe your or visit you?” and he will respond, “I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.”

(Matthew 25:34-40)

I mean, there isn’t a big mystery here.
Jesus is talking about loving people in the most tangible and simple way possible: tending to their most basic needs!

Love is unmistakable.
It knows no boundaries, no obstacles, no distance or time or bank account.

Love is asking people how they are doing.

Love is turning toward those who are in need or hungry or broken.

Love expresses itself in innumerable ways… but it is unmistakably marked by humility, forgiveness, patience,… joy.

Love is sharing in the struggles of others, playing small parts without shame, just simply sitting with someone & smiling. . .

John the Apostle wrote “Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us.” 1 John 4:11-12

It is simple.

But, is my life headed in this direction?

Do I have the courage?

Because, it is simple, but it will ruin my life. my plans. me me me.

But then…… didn’t someone once say that you have to lose your life to gain it back again?

Am I called to do what Shane Claiborne is doing? No.

But, I am called to love. Let go of all of my stuff & love.

: 8 to 5 :

2009-01-19T09:10:00.007-05:00

my job relentlessly reveals to me how selfish i am.

: Let Us Keep to the Point :

2009-01-01T11:12:00.004-05:00

My Utmost For his Highest

January 1, 2009.

". . . my earnest expectation and hope that in nothing I shall be ashamed, but with all boldness, as always, so now also Christ will be magnified in my body, whether by life or by death"

Philippians 1:20

". . . my earnest expectation and hope that in nothing I shall be ashamed . . . ." We will all feel very much ashamed if we do not yield to Jesus the areas of our lives He has asked us to yield to Him. It’s as if Paul were saying, "My determined purpose is to be my utmost for His highest— my best for His glory." To reach that level of determination is a matter of the will, not of debate or of reasoning. It is absolute and irrevocable surrender of the will at that point. An undue amount of thought and consideration for ourselves is what keeps us from making that decision, although we cover it up with the pretense that it is others we are considering. When we think seriously about what it will cost others if we obey the call of Jesus, we tell God He doesn’t know what our obedience will mean. Keep to the point— He does know. Shut out every other thought and keep yourself before God in this one thing only— my utmost for His highest. I am determined to be absolutely and entirely for Him and Him alone.

"Whether it means life or death-it makes no difference!" (see Philippians 1:21). Paul was determined that nothing would stop him from doing exactly what God wanted. But before we choose to follow God’s will, a crisis must develop in our lives. This happens because we tend to be unresponsive to God’s gentler nudges. He brings us to the place where He asks us to be our utmost for Him and we begin to debate. He then providentially produces a crisis where we have to decide— for or against. That moment becomes a great crossroads in our lives. If a crisis has come to you on any front, surrender your will to Jesus absolutely and irrevocably.

* * *

it's almost ridiculous how much this applies to my life right now

.absolutely and irrevocably.

the way i see it : eleven

2008-12-20T13:13:00.005-05:00

: The Adults....At The Kids' Table :

2008-12-19T13:22:00.001-05:00

If you like indie artists,

If you are looking for some different xmas tunes,

If you need a little folk, cheer and truth in your life...

Than check out these guys: The Adults

If you do nothing else this year, buy their xmas album "...At The Kid's Table" (and listen closely).

Seriously.

: decked out :

2008-12-17T20:27:00.005-05:00

december 13, 2008

i have noticed that people like to put up wreaths at this time of year. i guess that's pretty traditional. out west you usually see one on each front door but in Atlanta, come to find out, you don't just put up one nice wreath on the front door. ya'll adorn every door and window on every floor of the house with matching wreaths!

first, i saw a house with 5, then another with 6 or 8... and i thought it was pretty, but a little excessive.

THEN yesterday, on my way to work, i passed a normal sized house with 14 wreaths on it.

14 wreaths! (i counted twice)

is that a lucky number or something?

good gracious.

why isn't ONE enough?

[my new goal in life is to find a house with more - so, if ya'll see any, let me know]

december 14, 2008

TWENTY wreaths. 20.

i got a picture.

for real. . . am i the only person who thinks this is ridiculous?

pretty... and okay, and this house is massive ... but, come on!

silly southerners ;)

: besides daniel :

2008-12-13T20:34:00.002-05:00

i love local artists.

atlanta definitely has local artists....

so...these guys are young, but i think they're great! They're called Besides Daniel, and i LOVE them!! they've written a Christmas song - it is called "Lo, He Came To Us"

check it out.

Lo, He Came To Us

and check them out!

Besides Daniel

.peace.

: not your average dictionary :

2008-12-10T11:50:00.002-05:00

ACADEME, n.
An ancient school where morality and philosophy were taught.

ACADEMY, n.
[from ACADEME] A modern school where football is taught.

ADMIRATION, n:
Our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves.

BLOGGER, n:
A person who cannot wait to tell his/her own secrets, no matter the consequences.

BOY, n:
A noise with dirt on it.

BUDGET, n:
(1)An orderly system for living beyond your means.
(2)An attempt to live below your yearnings.

CAT, n:
A lapwarmer with a built-in buzzer.

CHEMICALS, n:
Noxious substances from which modern foods are made.

CONSCIENCE, n:
The inner voice that warns us that someone may be looking.

DEMOCRACY, n:
The recurrent suspicion that more than half of the people are right more than half the time.

DIET, n:
The penalty for exceeding the feed limit.

DRUG, n:
A substance that, when injected into a guinea pig, produces a scientifc paper

ELEPHANT, n:
A mouse built to government specifications.

EXPERIENCE, n:
What causes a person to make new mistakes instead of the same old ones.

FUTURE, n: That period of time in which our affairs prosper, our friends are true, and our happiness is assured.

GOSSIP, n:
(1) The art of saying nothing in a way that leaves practically nothing unsaid. -- Walter Winchell
(2) When you hear something you like about someone you don't.

HEREDITY, n:
What a man believes in until his son begins to behave like a delinquent.

KISS, n:
A course of procedure, cunningly devised, for the mutual stoppage of conversation when words are superfluous.

LIBERAL, n:
A man too broadminded to take his own side in a quarrel.

LIFE, n:
A party jou join after it has started and leave before it's finished.

OPTIMISM, n:
The doctrine, or belief, that everything is beautiful, including what is ugly, everything good, especially the bad, and everything right that is wrong. It is held with greatest tenacity by those most accustomed to the mischance of falling into adversity, and is most acceptably expounded with the grin that apes a smile. Being a blind faith, it is inaccessible to the light of disproof -- an intellectual disorder, yielding to no treatment but death. It is hereditary, but fortunately not contagious.

PAINTING, n:
The art of protecting flat surfaces from the weather and exposing them to the critic.

PEDESTRIAN, n:
Someone who thought there were a couple of gallons left in the tank

PHILANTHROPIST, n:
(1) A rich (and usually bald) old gentleman who has trained himself to grin while his conscience is picking his pocket.
(2) One who gives away what he should give back.

PHILOSOPHY, n:
A route of many roads leading from nowhere to nothing

POLITICS, n:
War Without Bloodshed

RESPONSIBILITY, n:
A detachable burden easily shifted to the shoulders of God, Fate, Fortune, Luck or one's neighbor. In the days of astrology it was customary to unload it upon a star.

SECRET, n:
Something you tell to one person at a time.

SEX, n:
The most fun you can have without laughing.

SPOUSE, n:
Someone who'll stand by you through all the trouble you wouldn't have had if you'd stayed single.

SUBBURBIA, n:
A place where the developers bulldoze all of the trees -- then name the streets after them.

TACT, n:
The art of saying nothing when there is nothing to say.

TOMORROW, n:
One of the greatest labor saving devices of today.

URBAN COWBOY, n:
One who is typically all hat and no cow.

USER, n:
The word computer professionals use when they mean "idiot."

WAR, n:
Politics with bloodshed.

XEROX, n:
A trademark for a photocopying device that can make rapid reproductions of human error, perfectly.

ZEAL, n:
A certain nervous disorder afflicting the young and inexperienced.

: tis the season :

2008-12-08T21:46:00.007-05:00

Danika and I bought a Christmas Tree on Sunday & decorated it. It's so beautiful! I love this time of year...

[I decided to make some ornaments....]

[next, the tree skirt - ha!]

If you're in need of some inspiration.. here are some of my favorite things...

a few tunes

Winter Song - Sara Bareilles & Ingrid Michaelson

Gaslow Love Theme - Craig Armstrong

Portuguese Love Theme - Craig Armstrong

All I Want for Christmas Is You - Mariah Carey

White Christmas - Bing Crosby & Frank Sinatra

Winter Wonderland - Kenny G

Do You Hear What I Hear - Perry Como

The Christmas Song - Nat King Cole

Born In Bethlehem - Third Day

Carol of The Bells - Mannheim Stearoller

I'll be home for Christmas - Diana Krall & The Clayton-Hamilton Jazz Orchestra

O Come All Ye Faithful - Nat King Cole

Joy to the World - Sufjan Stevens

O Come O Come Emmanuel - Sufjan Stevens

Happy Christmas - John Lennon

Please Come Home For Christmas - Charles Brown

molasses cookies

3/4 c. Butter

1 c. brown sugar

1 egg

1/4 c. molasses

2 1/2 c. flour

2 t baking soda

1 t cinnamon

1 t ginger

1/2 t cloves

Cream butter & sugar. add egg & molasses, mix until smooth. add flour and spice mixture. make little balls of dough and roll them in granulated sugar. bake at 375 for 9 minutes.

tea

Celestial Seasonings | Honey Lemon Ginseng Green Tea

a few movies

Love Actually

National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation

Scrooged

Home Alone

The Santa Claus

How the Grinch Stole Christmas

Rudolf the Red Nosed Reindeer (Claymation version, of course)

The Muppet Christmas Carol

The Nightmare Before Christmas

Best...

don't forget..

Compassion International

your faith

your family

your neighbor

your heart

be quiet . light a candle . make a wish

Love is Alive.

the way i see it : ten

2008-12-06T19:12:00.000-05:00

I myself am made entirely of flaws, stitched together with good intentions.

Augusten Burroughs

: advent shoes :

2008-12-04T12:59:00.009-05:00

TOMS SHOES

Check out these sites for gifts that give back...

And check out these sites to help communities grow and save lives..

the way i see it : nine

2008-12-03T18:43:00.006-05:00

"There is enough for everyone's need but not enough for everyone's greed"

Ghandi

In The Irresistible Revolution, Shane Claiborne tells this story about receiving $20,000 after winning a lawsuit against the NYC police department for misconduct (he was arrested for sleeping on the street with other demonstrators). From this $20,000 He and the Simple Way decided to give 100 poor communities $100 each and then throw a "jubilee" on Wall Street and invite hundreds of people to come celebrate.

This guy is crazy. I love it.

Here is his proclamation:

"Some of us have worked on Wall Street, and some of us have slept on Wall Street. We are a community of struggle. Some of us are rich people trying to escape our loneliness. Some of us are poor folks trying to escape the cold. Some of us are addicted to drugs, and other are addicted to money. We are a broken people who need each other and God, for we have come to recognize the mess that we have created of our world and how deeply we suffer from that mess. Now we are working together to give birth to a new society within the shell of the old. Another world is possible. Another world is necessary. Another world is already here.

...

We knew it was dangerous, intentionally bringing God and Mammon face to face. But this is precisely what we have committed our lives to. It is risky , and yet we are people of faith, believing that giving is more contagious than hoarding, that love can convert hatred, light can overcome darkness, grass can pierce concrete...even on Wall Street"

: advent conspiracy :

2008-12-02T22:53:00.001-05:00

: my thanksgiving :

2008-12-02T13:28:00.007-05:00

sometimes i don't have anything to say to God. not out of bitterness or anger, but surrender i guess. i'm not throwing in the towel, i just have nothing to offer. (when do we ever have anything to offer but our hearts and minds, anyway?)

i have nothing.

my brother is a sometimes-recovering drug addict. a heroine addict.

he's always - for as long as i can remember - had a desire for the greatest, the best, the biggest... the most expensive pair of shoes, the best watch, baseball card, car... pick a category and Michael picks from the top.

So, heroine.

The hardest, most intense habit a drug addict can have.

But, it is still under Jesus' feet.

it is still under his FEET.

It is horrible and destructive and evil and it is tearing apart his life.

It is tearing apart our lives.

But, it is still under Jesus' feet.

Michael was supposed to celebrate Thanksgiving and my birthday in California with the rest of the family. He made it to california, but landed himself a seat in jail for stealing from Costco the day before Thanksgiving.

As I write these words, even as I've said them out loud, i cannot believe they're being spoken about my brother. Is this person my brother? Who is he?

Drug addiction has stolen his life. There are two people living in that body: Michael Estensen & a heroine addict. They are very different. In external appearance, thoughts and beliefs, conversation, everything. And I haven't seen or talked to my brother in a long long time. years. maybe even a decade.

He literally has reduced his life to one duffle bag, a backpack full of needles, and a criminal record, at age 30.

and there is nothing i can do about it.

This addict is a liar and a thief. That is all he has done for a couple years now. Lie and steal. My parents have given their savings, bought back family heirlooms from pawn shops, handed down computers, furniture, vehicles... it all goes away. it all goes into his arm.

My God. How is that under Jesus' feet?

Someone say

"I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he [God] has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, and his incomparably great power for us who believe. That power is like the working of his mighty strength, which he exerted in Christ when he raised him from the dead and seated him at his right hand in the heavenly realms, far above all rule and authority, power and dominion, and every title that can be given, not only in the present age but also in the one to come. And God placed all things under his feet and appointed him to be head over everything for the church, which is his body, the fullness of him who fills everything in every way." (ephesians 1)

This is the only reality i believe in.

I know that my brother, and even my parents and family are living in a different reality than this. But I believe it is under Jesus Feet.

And I do not believe for a second that Michael's life is a waste. And I do not believe the battle is over. The enemy is waging a furious war against us.

Nahum 1:3 says "God displays his power in the whirlwind and the storm. The billowing clouds are the dust beneath his feet."

The DUST beneath his feet.

This storm, that is consuming our lives and taking everything. EVERYTHING.

it is dust.

it is dust beneath God's feet.

Storms always come. harsh reality hits us.

we're broken and lost. we feel beaten and abused.

But, it is all dust.

it is all under his feet.

"Rather, as servants of God we commend ourselves in every way: in great endurance; in troubles, hardships and distresses; in beatings, imprisonments and riots; in hard work, sleepless nights and hunger; in purity, understanding, patience and kindness; in the Holy Spirit and in sincere love; in truthful speech and in the power of God; with weapons of righteousness in the right hand and in the left; through glory and dishonor, bad report and good report; genuine, yet regarded as impostors; known, yet regarded as unknown; dying, and yet we live on; beaten, and yet not killed; sorrowful, yet always rejoicing; poor, yet making many rich; having nothing, and yet possessing everything." (2 Corinthians 6)

i have nothing.

but i believe in the one who has everything under his feet.

and i will not lose faith.

the way i see it : eight

2008-11-19T15:27:00.006-05:00

well, i've been really busy and now fall is gone . . but here are a couple pictures from its visit..

I hate bumper stickers.

but i saw one on sunday in 'small town' georgia that was worth thinking about:

None are more hopelessly enslaved than those who falsely believe they are free.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

: seeing & believing :

2008-11-18T23:12:00.005-05:00

I wear glasses.

Well, actually, I have glasses... and I could choose to wear them if I was so inclined.

My prescription isn't very big. its -1.25 [i have no idea what that means, but its better than -7.0, which i'm pretty sure has to be close to legally blind?]

I leave my house without putting on my glasses (and/or contacts) on a regular basis. I just forget. Danika cannot understand how this happens as often as it does. I guess I can see everything in my house just fine, so i dont think about it. It's when i get into my car and pull out on the street that i can't read street signs... And at night, well, I'd hit an elk before I saw it coming. Strange how darkness makes my vision considerably worse.

I think we do this with our spiritual lives sometimes too. Forget that we've been given a way to see the light. A way to be the light. You know, Ephesians 6 says to put on the full armor of God, "so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand." ... Put on the armor of God so that when the day of evil comes - we are supposed to have on this armor all of the time. NOT just when we face trials. There are times when I kind of forget to remember God in the things I'm doing. I just go about my happy little life, no troubles, and don't invite Jesus along with me [in the same way that I forget my glasses until there is an obstacle, when in reality I really do need them all . the . time .] This should not be!! Jesus was not raised from the dead just so that I could call on him whenever I am in need... Jesus was raised from the dead so that his glory can be displayed in everything that I do - and everything that you do. The power that raised Jesus from the dead is at work within us. If we walked around with this on the forefront of our minds and hearts I think our lives would change.

Paul pleaded with the church in Corinth with this message (2 Corinthians 5: 16-21)

So from now on we regard no one from a worldly point of view. Though we once regarded Christ in this way, we do so no longer. Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come! All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation: that God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ, not counting men's sins against them. And he has committed to us the message of reconciliation. We are therefore Christ's ambassadors, as though God were making his appeal through us. We implore you on Christ's behalf: Be reconciled to God. God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.

Tonight, I kid you not, I left my glasses on a table at my friend Kim's house, got in my car.. drove half way down the street and realized that everything was kind of blurry. I hesitated for a second, like "oh it's not that big of a deal", then I U-turned and went back to get my glasses. Why in the world would I drive without being able to see clearly when I can see easily with my glasses?

Why in the world would we confront anything in our lives on our own when the God who created the stars and firmament, spoke the birds and trees into being, and formed man out of the dust has shown us another way of life....?

"I believe in Christianity as I believe that the sun has risen: not only because I see it, but because by it I see everything else."

CS Lewis

: phase two :

2008-11-08T18:29:00.007-05:00

here are some photos from two recent shoots...

playing with color balance....... hmmm..

: dear journal :

2008-11-06T18:33:00.004-05:00

I'm a journaler. I have been since high school.

I don't generally like journals for gifts though (fyi). I am kind of specific. I like to make my journals unique.. i write all over them. collage in them. draw in them. paste pictures and cards and notes. . . someday, someone is going to open these up and get some insight on how ridiculous I really am or have been at different times in my life.

Every now and then I decide to read through old journals.

It's so fun! Some of my greatest realizations about myself, others, the world, and God have come only in reading my old journals. I suggest doing it if you haven't - I mean, reading through yours (assuming you journal too) not mine.

October 25, 2006

It is almost like

the world should stop

and hold in its breath.

Don't fail me prayers.

Don't fear.

November 19, 2006

No, not that I need to change who I am...instead, that I need to get rid of who I am not.

July 3, 2007 - from the old lake at Woodleaf... in the evening.

the wonder of the sun
light breaking through trees
shadows hold back
warm my heart
lift my eyes
[bend my knees]
everything moves and breathes
for you
everything in me beats for you
just the nearness of you
fearless you
perfect you
thoughtful you
jealous you

July 16 2007 - 9pm

in darkness everything blends together...

in light we see the shape of all things

July 30, 2007

...What is love? Whatever we define it as, we will most definitely fail because the bible says that God is Love. Than it must be said that our hearts, which desire love, desire God. Our hearts, we try to give to people; our love, we try to find in people.... fails us. . .

January 24, 2008

I saw the moon tonight. It was beautiful and large. It was pale yellow and low on the horizon. It looked like a movie set...like it wasn't real.

But it took my breath away.

It captured me.

I feel like such simple things capture my heart. Like I fall in love inside this tiny little world that is only between me and God. I'm captured there, I'm complete. All of my worries and fears and troubles disappear and there is just sublime peace. Love.

I have this deep aching inside me to do something GREAT. something HUGE. And I want to do it with a camera. I have these visions of what I could be. Fleeting moments of grand inspiration. Fleeting is the problem.

Where's my heart? Desperation? Drive, will to succeed? To pursue my dreams?

Oh, it must be caught up with the moon.

I have all these dreams and longings.

I've always believed they're for a purpose

and I still do.

I'm just so fragile sometimes

so easily led astray

so easily made a fool

so easily misjudged

Or maybe I misjudge

I've been so passive

Its like my heart left my body to float around in the sticky gray world by itself, for a while.

And while everything barely holds together around me

I am waiting for it to return to me

and my heart, it is waiting for me to come reclaim it.

we're both waiting.

the way i see it : seven

2008-11-06T12:43:00.001-05:00

Let me tell you why you are here. You're here to be salt-seasoning that brings out the God-flavors of this earth. If you lose your saltiness, how will people taste godliness? You've lost your usefulness and will end up in the garbage.

Here's another way to put it: You're here to be light, bringing out the God-colors in the world. God is not a secret to be kept. We're going public with this, as public as a city on a hill. If I make you light-bearers, you don't think I'm going to hide you under a bucket, do you? I'm putting you on a light stand. Now that I've put you there on a hilltop, on a light stand—shine! Keep open house; be generous with your lives. By opening up to others, you'll prompt people to open up with God, this generous Father in heaven.

The Message

Matt 5:13-16

the way i see it : six

2008-11-05T13:22:00.002-05:00

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

Marianne Williamson

: phase one :

2008-11-04T21:21:00.006-05:00

: from sunday :

2008-11-02T18:50:00.018-05:00

In church yesterday, the pastor (Chris) spoke about 1 Thessalonians 2. Verse 12 says: "We pleaded with you, encouraged you, and urged you to live your lives in a way that God would consider worthy. For he called you to share in his Kingdom and glory".

Chris talked about the 3 verbs Paul used: pleaded, encouraged, urged. How these are all words that deal with compelling others to action - in times of trouble or doubt, hardship or joy.

In 1 Corinthians 11:1 Paul says "And you should imitate me, just as I imitate Christ" - and he is not just speaking about a certain scripture or idea, but our whole lives. EVERYTHING we do.. "we...urged you to live your lives in a way that God would consider worthy". How do we know what God considers worthy? The bible. The things Paul wrote - because he was imitating Christ when he wrote these words. [Test it - those of you who disagree]

as I listened to this sermon I wrote this down:

We shut out the bible - God's words, his voice - because it compels us to change. To really live and breathe and love and share our lives. To confront our demons - more, to overcome them! To break free and compel others to do the same; this is the gospel of Jesus Christ.

Chris says "words have lost their meaning in a generation full of words". And I do not disagree, but I think maybe we have lost the meaning or perhaps we don't hear the words in the first place. Either way, words are meaningless without action. That is why we have to live our lives in a manner that is worthy - not just part, but our whole lives. The bible says that God's word does not return to him void, but it accomplishes what he sent it to do (Isaiah 55:11). And that is to give LIFE. This is what compels us: "God calls you into His own kingdom and glory". Can you grasp that? God calls YOU out of your circumstances, whatever they are, and into his kingdom. But this is not just an invitation to his kingdom, it's an invitation to change your whole life. I always say that Jesus ruined my life. He ruined my plans, my desires, my selfishness, my greed, my arrogance. Jesus ruined it all because he called me OUT of it. He provided a way for me to be free from my pain and hurt and a way to desire greater things than this world has to offer. I have no excuse! I am compelled to live my life worthy of this call because of the transformation I have experienced. Because of the grace that I now know.

I don't know all the answers... I don't even understand all the questions.

But I hope that we can stop ignoring the truth and shutting out the words of Life. I hope that we can put aside our differences and pursue heavenly ideas and goals. That we can learn how to share our lives with each other and love and forgive and be honest with ourselves.

I hope that we can stop waging wars - with our neighbors, with our enemies, and with our families. Most importantly, I hope we can stop waging war with ourselves. I see so many people walking around hating their lives. Secretly hating who they are. . . [check out www.postsecret.com]

I have been there myself.

But there comes a time when we can't do it anymore. We can't ignore our problems and fears forever. We can't ignore the voice of God forever. I think it was Frida Kahlo who said "I tried to drown my sorrows, but the bastards learned how to swim". Sometime we will have to break down the walls and dive straight into our pain and anger and insecurity. . . I am a big fan of the TV show Grey's Anatomy and last week's episode ended with Meredith Grey saying something that I think readily applies to what I have been talking about here:

"..but all these wars are nothing, compared to the most frightening war of all: the one you have yet to fight".

This is why we don't want to do it, right? It's terrifying. Who wants to confront their issues? Yes, please. Serve me up a big plate of "my life sucks" and lets just get going on it. No thanks.

BUT: if you know the words of life, if you just stop and listen... you will find out that you will not be left alone to sort out your life, but instead Jesus walks with you. He calls you out of darkness and into the light - and this is not an easy task. He will ruin your life. But in so doing, He will also give you new life - a better life. eternal life. - and resort your brokenness and emptiness and shame.

Did you know that you can live under grace instead of living under shame?

: learning to live, young life :

2008-10-29T13:50:00.010-04:00

I got a call last week from my old Young Life area director, jrin. He said he needed a favor: a short video. Norazyl (northern arizona young life) hosts a banquet each year to raise support for the area. . . J had this great idea to put together a video montage of kids and leaders whose lives have been impacted by Young Life. It took me a few tries, but I figured out how to work imovie. So.. Here's the end result, in 12 seconds or less. . .

[I added my own music to this, but J is using "the general" by Dispatch where the song repeats "go now you are forgiven, go now you are forgiven" - listen to it, it's a good tune.]

J also asked for some thoughts on Young life..

So here's my two sense on that topic..

On my experience with Young Life...

Young Life does not save people.

Jesus saves people.

Young Life takes broken, destroyed, confused, depressed kids and introduces them to the way, the truth, and the life - Jesus - wherever they are in their journey. And as these kids are being restored by God through a relationship with Jesus, it gives them a means to restore other broken, destroyed, confused, depressed kids through leadership, fellowship, friendship, and accountability.

Young Life is a community, a family.

It's a place for the 'no-bodies' to be somebody.

To know they're loved, to ask questions and hang out.

How my life has been impacted...

As a leader from 04-07, I have to say that all of the other leaders on my team greatly impacted my life. We were a close knit team. Perhaps closer than a team should be ;) But, we held each other accountable, encouraged each other and prayed for each other. We didn't always "feel like it", but somehow we pulled it together and pushed each other to make space for young life in our busy college lives. Because of the closeness of our team, i learned how to be a good leader, persevere through hard times, share my heart, use my strengths... And, perhaps most importantly, i learned how to love people WELL. All of these things flowed over into my leadership in Flagstaff for the benefit of kids. And now, from all the way across the country ["a totally different world"] I can say with certainty that these relationships, the experience of being a part of Northern Arizona Young Life has deeply impacted me in ways that I am only now beginning to see unfold in my daily life.

I often feel like i was spoiled with amazing friends who love the Lord; committee members who opened their homes to us, cooked us dinner, and provided for us; an area director who lives what he believes, no strings attached - a true, passionate leader; women who wanted to lead us in bible study and pray for us. These are the most basic needs; love, compassion, friendship, honesty, leadership, strength, truth... These are all things that I have searched for, things that KIDS search for and do not find anywhere else. These are all things that make up Norazyl - and it is only for one reason, Jesus. How can you sum up a living, breathing example of the church as it was meant to be? For me, this ministry is the closest I have ever come. For so many kids, NORAZYL is the closest they will ever come. This ministry is a guiding lamp to a real, authentic, full relationship with Jesus Christ.

I am so thankful for all the many lessons, friendships, and blessings I received by giving a little bit of myself to something that is so much greater than I am...

[I'm not currently leading Young Life in Atlanta, but that might change soon..i miss it.. a lot]

: Isaiah 55 :

2008-10-21T12:14:00.002-04:00

"Come, all you who are thirsty,
come to the waters;
and you who have no money,
come, buy and eat!
Come, buy wine and milk
without money and without cost.

Why spend money on what is not bread,
and your labor on what does not satisfy?
Listen, listen to me, and eat what is good,
and your soul will delight in the richest of fare.

Give ear and come to me;
hear me, that your soul may live.
I will make an everlasting covenant with you,
my faithful love promised to David.

See, I have made him a witness to the peoples,
a leader and commander of the peoples.

Surely you will summon nations you know not,
and nations that do not know you will hasten to you,
because of the LORD your God,
the Holy One of Israel,
for he has endowed you with splendor."

Seek the LORD while he may be found;
call on him while he is near.

Let the wicked forsake his way
and the evil man his thoughts.
Let him turn to the LORD, and he will have mercy on him,
and to our God, for he will freely pardon.

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your ways my ways,"
declares the LORD.

"As the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts.

As the rain and the snow
come down from heaven,
and do not return to it
without watering the earth
and making it bud and flourish,
so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater,

so is my word that goes out from my mouth:
It will not return to me empty,
but will accomplish what I desire
and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.

You will go out in joy
and be led forth in peace;
the mountains and hills
will burst into song before you,
and all the trees of the field
will clap their hands.

Instead of the thornbush will grow the pine tree,
and instead of briers the myrtle will grow.
This will be for the LORD's renown,
for an everlasting sign,
which will not be destroyed."

: when i stop & think :

2008-10-21T10:49:00.004-04:00

sometimes i get this sinking feeling that i am so far away from everything i love & everything i want to be & i have no way to change it. to reach the goal.

it's not very helpful, honestly. i would prefer to be content right now, because i really can't make another choice. that is to say, i cannot just pack up my car and drive across seven state lines to smell the salty ocean air and see the faces of people who really know me. instead, i'm biding my time here. riding it out with the hope of some action . adventure . people . opportunity . to be make a better me. to get a little closer to everything i love.

sometimes i don't even know what that is.

but, i guess that's the beauty of it all, right?

either way.

i'm longing for something familiar.

the way i see it : five

2008-10-19T18:37:00.001-04:00

" The world bursts at the seams with people ready to tell you you're not good enough. On occasion, some may be correct. But do not do their work for them. Seek any job; ask anyone out; pursue any goal. Don't take it personally when they say "no" - they may not be smart enough to say "yes".

- Keith Olbermann

: baby steps :

2008-10-15T14:05:00.007-04:00

When I started nannying, Fischer was only six months old. He didn't do a whole lot, as with most babies that age.

But, in the last six months.... He started to sit up on his own, then wiggle and crawl, then make some sounds, then walk along the walls, then he took his first step on his own a couple weeks ago. And today, well, today has been a BIG day. You see, yesterday he wouldn't let go of my fingers. But, Today! Today he's taken 10 steps all by himself... on more than one occasion. . . And that is EXCITING!!

Most people are like "oh that's so cute! he's growing up!". But, I have spent over 1,000 hours with this little boy... And my eyes brim with joy and excitement when he does something new.

I can't help but think that God has the same overwhelming joy and love for us when we take our first steps. Not only the first step of believing in Jesus, but all first steps. We don't just have "first steps" as children, but at every stage of life. See, I know Fischer can walk. I believe that he is strong enough and understands the basics. I've been holding his hand, helping him learn how to do it.

Doesn't our heavenly Father do the same thing with us?

I can't push Fischer to do anything before he's ready to; he won't do it. And, honestly, I don't want to push him to do it because it's not as sweet as when HE does something because he's learning and changing and figuring things out. I just have to be patient and wait anxiously for the MOMENT! And that moment is so wonderful...

Don't you know that God has these same feelings for us?

Don't you know that he holds his breath and a smile curls up on his face and he claps his hands and dances when you take a step. Just one little step.

He knows you can do it already, he's been waiting for you for over a 1000 hours and he's not going to push you to take the step; he's just going to go nuts when it happens.

And...When Fischer falls down and starts to cry... It's because he hasn't done this before. But I have, I know how to walk (in most cases ;). So I get to tell him it's okay, get back up... let's do it again. Because that first step is far more important than any time he stumbles.

Don't you know that God is far more excited about the steps you do take rather than the times you stumble and fall?

believe it.

the way i see it : four

2008-10-12T12:50:00.003-04:00

i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
i fear
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

ee cummings

: have hopes & no plan, will travel :

2008-10-09T13:12:00.005-04:00

So, I've been in the dirtydirty for a year now.

And some days I wake up thinking "WOW! How did I get here? What an awesome place to live" while other days I wake up thinking "Why in the world did I move so far away from everything and everyone that I love?"

I still feel like this place is not my home.

That is not to say that I am unhappy here. I have met many wonderful people and explored many great places... parks, restaurants, shops, towns, etc. And I have a job that allows me to play, pay all my bills, and save.

What's the deal then?

I just feel like there is something missing. Maybe I'm not a big city girl after all? Maybe I like small cities...ones with mountains & adventure? I guess what it comes down to is that I don't feel like me, here.

Maybe it's because I live in Buckhead - haha ;)

But really...

I think it's time to ask the question... What's next?

: faith, hope, and punishment :

2008-10-07T18:09:00.006-04:00

This is big.

I read my friend Marcus’ blog the other day and he had written something that caused me to re-evaluate my beliefs about God and myself. It was very simple. The question was “does God punish us for our sin?”. Yes or No. I did not expect to be so impacted by this question. But, as it turns out, it helped me connect a lot of stuff that I have been thinking about lately.

You can read Marcus’ blog entry here. I’m just going to discuss what God has been working on in my mind & heart as a result of this.

Here’s the deal.
I believe that the words in the bible are the words of God. Therefore, it’s very important to me to consult the scriptures, if you will, in order to align my beliefs with the words of God. And, if you know me well, you know that I know some scripture.

I guess I haven’t totally thought this through before. I believe that Jesus died for my sins, but there are things that have happen in my life where I have questioned “is God punishing me?”; haven’t you heard people say (or maybe you’ve said yourself) “God is punishing them for…”? Well, as I read this blog, I was thinking ‘Yes, God punishes us – or at least he did in the old testament, right? There were consequences, entire groups of people were destroyed & punished’… But, as this thought was being formed in my mind, so was the thought that God’s relationship with us has changed because of Jesus.

My mind & heart were disconnected on this issue. I could feel it – I believed God does not punish us for our choices but I lived like I believed he might in some “limited restrictions apply” type scenarios; like there's a disclaimer. Has that ever happened to you? Have you ever had a pivotal moment where you step back and think… wow: how, when, why, and where did I start believing this?!

It’s simple to just say “yes, God punishes us” or “no, God does not punish us”. But WHY..and how does this impact you and me? This is important!! There is freedom in the truth.

So, what is the truth?
I guess I’m still working that out.. But here’s what I’ve got so far & I’d love feed back on this…

God is love. I believe this with all my heart. And I think that the scriptures support this through what is written about God, the parables Jesus uses, Jesus’ actions – and, ultimately, his death on the cross & resurrection from the dead. We are sinners. Everyone. We always have been. We cannot fix this problem on our own so, God chose to leverage our hopelessness and death with Christ’s holiness and resurrection. God took our punishment and put it on Jesus. When he died on the cross we were set free from sin and death. This is the greatest act of love.

Isaiah 53:5
“But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was upon him, and by his wounds we are healed.”

2 Corinthians 5:19
“For God was in Christ, reconciling the world to himself, no longer counting people’s sins against them.”

1 John 4:10, 18
“This is love: not that we loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins…There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear because fear has to do with punishment...”

Therefore, God looks on Jesus instead of on humanity and does not punish us for our sin in this life. We all have free will to make choices and our choices have consequences because that’s the way the world works or because it’s the law - not because God is punishing us anymore. In some versions of 1 John 4 it says that “[God] sent his son to be the propitiation for our sins”. Propitiation is a powerful word, it’s translated from the Greek word “hilasterion” meaning ‘to move far away’, ‘make favorable’ or ‘appease’ – Jesus’ blood has literally removed God’s wrath from us FOREVER & made us favorable in his sight – where he would otherwise demand that we pay the penalty for our sins, he extends love to us instead (also see Romans 3:23-26).

BUT. It doesn’t stop here, in my opinion. All who believe and live in Jesus are FREE from punishment. Yes, believe AND live. It is not enough to just believe in Jesus and call yourself a Christian. Your actions have to match your faith.

James 2:14-20 says: “What good is it, dear brothers and sisters, if you say you have faith but don’t show it by your actions? Can that kind of faith save anyone? Suppose you see a brother or sister who has no food or clothing, and you say, “Good-bye and have a good day; stay warm and eat well”—but then you don’t give that person any food or clothing. What good does that do?”

Jesus spoke about this same idea in Matthew 25. “I tell you the truth, when you did [this] to one of the least of these my brothers and sisters, you were doing it to me!” (see Matthew 25:41-46). In this scripture, Jesus says some will enter Heaven and others will not – to some he will say “Depart from me”. Again, in Matthew 7, Jesus says: “Not everyone who says to me, 'Lord, Lord,' will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only he who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. Many will say to me on that day, 'Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and in your name drive out demons and perform many miracles?' Then I will tell them plainly, 'I never knew you. Away from me, you evildoers!'”

I think this is the idea Donald Miller was talking about on page 27 of ‘Searching for God Knows What’ (going back to Marcus’ blog and the source for his question..). Although, I think that Miller’s wording may be found offensive.. “God is going to make him pay for what he is doing to people” (referring to a televangelist stealing money from people & telling them God is going to bless them)… But, ultimately I think this is true. You can word it differently, but God is the judge. He chooses the sentence – and that sentence is one of two things: eternity with him or eternity without him. There is no middle ground.

So, here it is: God is not going to “smite” us with a lightning rod or even a stubbed toe, dead car battery, broken relationship…or anything else. He doesn’t make people beg for mercy (but as Jesus said in Matthew 7, they will try to reason and plead their case anyway). When Donald Miller used the phrase “God is going to make him pay” he was referring to the fact that we will all be held accountable for our actions. This is because God is just and holy – Love is not his only characteristic. He is not punishing people, but rather holding them responsible for their choices. Yes?

And, I think God’s big enough that this plays our differently for each person because He knows our hearts & sees our actions & all of us have different stories. But one day we will all stand before the judgment seat of Christ and give an account for our lives, this is not a joke.

2 Corinthians 5:10 “For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ, that each one may receive what is due him for the things done while in the body, whether good or bad.”

Let me say this again: God is not in the business of destroying and punishing people anymore. He set these things right when Jesus died. Those of us who believe, we believe in Christ because we recognize this Truth: “For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him” John 3:17. Also, 1 Corinthians 15:19 “If only for this life we have hope in Christ, we are to be pitied more than all men” We believe in Jesus for eternity.

I know I’ve barely scratched the surface on this issue of punishment, salvation, belief, God, and love… But, let me say this: Christ’s love, if we know it and are being made complete by it, compels us...It is what we’re searching for in life. It is freedom.

Maybe I haven’t articulated this as well as I could have or maybe you think I’m a complete lunatic. That’s okay. (Let’s talk :)

Stay tuned…

And please, tell me your thoughts.
I, by no means, claim to be an authority on this issue. I am still working this out…

S

: a small inheritance :

2008-10-02T20:43:00.007-04:00

My grandfather (Pop) was a genius, I'm told. He passed away when I was 10. The only good things I have associated with him (for most of my life) were a library of books and dozens of hunting trophies hanging on the walls. Buffalo, gazelle, elk, deer, zebra...

[Their house was in El Paso, Tx... where my grandmother still lives. It was an adobe house with no heat or AC, just 18 inch thick walls... Cold tile floors, double doors with latches I have never seen anywhere else. Beautiful old wood, old smells, huge oriental rugs... wood fires. A courtyard with a pond full of Koi, a backyard with an egg shaped pool. Cooing doves. Bats. It was one of a kind & I have all these vivid memories of every square inch of this place - inside and out. I wish I had taken more pictures before my grandmother had to sell it. I cherish the few photos I do have.]

Anyway.

My grandfather bought & read dozens of books. I have 3 with me in Atlanta: The complete Works of Shakespeare, T.S. Elliot's Collected Poems, and Poems of William Blake. They generally just sit on my shelf looking antique and dusty. But, the other day I was in a store and saw a poem by William Blake embroidered on a small blanket (it was like $700.00, welcome to the ATL). . . So, when I got home, I looked it up in this old book. It's called Auguries of Innocence:

To see the world in a grain of sand,
And a heaven in a wild flower;
Hold infinity in the palm of your hand,
And eternity in an hour.

Reflect on that for a moment...

Needless to say, I couldn't help but read more & I found a poem I don't remember reading before (which is strange cause it's only 1 page from my old fav The Tiger):

The Fly

Little Fly,

They summer's play

My thoughtless hand

Has brushed away.

Am not I

A fly like thee?

Or art not thou

A man like me?

For I dance,

And drink, and sing,

Till some blind hand

Shall brush my wing.

If thought is life

And strength and breath,

And the want

Of thought is death;

Than am I

A happy fly.

If I live,

Or if I die.

I've been known to over think things, but this poem bent my perspective a little. Does it not? Tell me your thoughts :)

Thanks Pop! On this day, part of you made me smile.

: celebrate for the first time :

2008-09-30T11:12:00.005-04:00

tHe LiTtLe GuY tUrNs OnE

9|29|08

Unfortunately, last friday Fischer came down with a horrible virus. It only lasted about 8 hours, but his mom & dad both fell victim to it on Sunday.... So, his 1st birthday party was postponed until next week. We already had a monster cake and balloons... So we threw our own little backyard party. . . I think it was a success! I never knew birthdays could be so.... colorful.

And I get to spend every day with this kid! :]

: art & then some :

2008-09-28T21:27:00.006-04:00

CHECK THIS ARTWORK OUT

Thought provoking, interesting, creative.... crazy.

All I can say is wow!

: my bookshelf :

2008-09-28T09:36:00.007-04:00

I decided when I graduated college that I could start reading books... and enjoy it. I never liked reading before. Looking back on it, it's kind of a bummer - I really missed out. I wish that I had read all the classics that were "required" in school. But, somehow I slipped through the cracks & made it all the way without realizing what I was missing... maybe I'll catch up someday.. but for now, I think reading any book is a good step for me.

I have enjoyed it.

So, if you're looking for a good read

on my shelf:

The Memory Keeper's Daughter

Water for Elephants

The Lovely Bones

The Mermaid Chair

The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time

The Kite Runner

The Shack

The Organic God

The Time Traveler's Wife

in my hand:

When You are Engulfed in Flames

The Irresistible Revolution

Three Cups of Tea

The Raggamuffin Gospel

A Thousand Splendid Suns

Any suggestions....?

the way i see it : three

2008-09-18T21:59:00.014-04:00

what i am into lately...

four seasons
storms
green grass
lemon desserts
old photographs
messy hair
museums
vegetables
scarfs
colored glass
trees plants flowers
bricks&wooden floors
livemusic
vanilla lattes
hugs
textures&patterns
natural light
fresh air
candles&incense
layers
books
thegreatoutdoors
silence
taking deep breaths

: a short stop in knoxville :

2008-09-18T21:59:00.011-04:00

the 865*

: stars and stripes :

2008-09-11T12:36:00.004-04:00

.. 9.11.01 ..

.. remember ..

: my day, in photos :

2008-09-11T12:23:00.006-04:00

this is what i've been taking pictures of lately...

: lyrics on life :

2008-09-06T13:09:00.007-04:00

My mom says, when I was younger I had a hard time taking naps... It didn't take long for her to realize that the remedy to this problem was a little Tina Turner - just put on the Private Dancer vinyl and What's Love Got To Do With It would lull me to sleep. Seriously. That's a great jam.

Perhaps that's how my love for music began. And that is just what it is: love. I do not own 10,000 cds and I would not consider myself someone who has a wealth of knowledge about music ... well, not compared to some people I know who can talk about it for hours.

But I love music.

In addition to Tina, I owe this appreciation to my dad. He is a great music lover and excellent DJ (haha!). He would always put on music while my parents made dinner or relaxed after work. Because of his love for music, there are many songs that remind me of certain things - some I cannot bring myself to listen to very often while others always bring a smile to my face.

Anyway, recently I heard a cover of a song from my childhood. I think covers are hit or miss -but this one is great, maybe better than the original. The original song is from Don Henley's album The End of The Innocence (released in 1989! I was 5).

The remix is by India Arie. The song is called The Heart of the Matter.

If for no other reason, I am posting this so that you can experience the beautiful work of this artist! I don't know if it's your style of music... but give it a chance.

However, the lyrics to this song really move me. I think they are powerful.

Did you know that words are the most powerful tool we have in life? Proverbs 18:21 says "The tongue has the power of life and death". Words open our eyes to new ideas, tear down walls, create healing and comfort, bestow beauty and acceptance, and freedom of choice... but they also bruise hearts, tear our dignity, deceive us, pervert our minds and trample our spirit if we let them.

This song was clearly written about a romantic relationship... but I think it applies to more than just that. I think it applies to every kind of relationship - friends, family, & our relationship with ourselves.

See, words allow us to forgive others; and they also allow us to forgive ourselves. And maybe that is really the heart of the matter. . .

The Heart of the Matter

I got the call today, I didn't wanna hear

But I knew that it would come

An old true friend of ours was talkin' on the phone

She said you founds someone

And I thought of all the bad luck,

And all the struggles we went through

How I lost me and you lost you

What are these voices outside love's open door

Make us throw off our contentment

And beg for something more

I've been learning to live without you now

But I miss you sometimes

The more I know, the less I understand

All the things I thought I knew, I'm learning them again

I've been tryin' to get down to the Heart of the Matter

But my will gets weak

And my thoughts seem to scatter

But I think it's about forgiveness

Forgiveness

Even if, even if you don't love me anymore

These times are so uncertain

There's a yearning undefined

And people filled with rage

We all need a little tenderness

How can love survive in such a graceless age

And the trust and self-assurance that lead to happiness

They're the very things we kill, I guess

price and competition cannot fill these empty arms

And the work they put between us,

You know it doesn't keep us warm

I've been trying to live without you now

But I miss you

The more I know, the less I understand

All the things I thought I figured out, I have to learn again

I've been tryin' to get down to the Heart of the Matter

But my will gets weak

And my heart is so shattered

But I think it's about forgiveness

Forgiveness

Even if, even if you don't love me anymore

All the people in your life who've come and gone

They let you down, you know they hurt your pride

Better put it all behind you' cause life goes on

You keep carryin' that anger, it'll eat you up inside

I wanna be happily everafter

And my heart is so shattered

But I know it's about forgiveness

Forgiveness

Even if, even if you don't love me anymore

I've been tryin' to get down to the Heart of the Matter

Because the flesh will get weak

And the ashes will scatter

So I'm thinkin' about forgiveness

Forgiveness

Even if you don't love me anymore

the way i see it : two

2008-09-06T12:51:00.004-04:00

I wish I could dress like this every day.

[www.jcrew.com]

the way i see it : one

2008-08-27T21:11:00.008-04:00

Without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him.

Hebrews 11:6